It’s Okay to Not be Okay

A lesson that keeps being served to me over and over is the one where I have learned it doesn’t matter how many times life knocks you down, all that matters is that you get back up. Last week, I discovered there is more to this lesson that I needed to learn and that is, it’s okay to not be okay for a while.

There are going to be times that you fall apart, laying in the rubble of what life used to be. You will eventually find your strength again but nobody is pressuring you to stand back up before you are ready. If you need to lay there to gain some strength back, do it. Or reach out to those closest to you and lean on them until you get the strength to stand on your own again.

Recently, this lesson was served to me in a big way. Last week my husband had a medical emergency which resulted in the most terrifying 24 hours of my life. Out of respect for his privacy, I am not going to get into specifics. I will say that he is okay now and we have a few follow-up appointments with doctors to monitor and discuss the next steps.

Here is my perspective on the gut-punch life served us last weekend. I felt like I have been through a lot in this life and I have handled it the best I could. I thought my heart was unbreakable. What else could happen to me to shake me to my core? It was this. This felt like I was on an out-of-control train and I was barely holding on.

While I waited for the hospital to call with updates I started beating myself up. I felt like a failure. I didn’t hold it together for him. I wasn’t thinking straight and I needed to for him. Doubts and fears started filling my mind, “You held it together for Mom but not him.” “Who are you to feel all these emotions when he is the one living it?” I needed to be strong for him, but I couldn’t be strong for me. I couldn’t be strong for us. I had no other choice but to lay it all down. Surrender to the situation, surrender to faith, surrender to those around me. I will forever be grateful for the family and friends who came to our side when they heard the news. It was their strength that carried me through.

So my message is this: When life gets real. When it hurts. When you cannot think straight because the current situation is so blinding, it is okay to lay it all down. It is okay to not be perfect or right. It is okay to surrender to the love around you. It is okay to not be okay for a while. Rest, take a beat, get your strength back and when you are ready, stand again.