“Are you a good friend to yourself?” When my life coach asked me this question I knew the answer. “No.” I can be the best cheerleader to anyone around me, finding the silver lining in any situation for others, but as soon as life hits hard, my go-to is to feel down on myself. “What is wrong with you?” “You could be/do better.” “You should know better.” “You should feel better.”
If I had a good friend going through the exact same situation, I would NEVER say these words to them. I would do my best to find all the warm/cozy words that would make them feel good and to lift them up. So why am I/do we treat ourselves as the lowest of the low? Why can’t we return that cozy self-love to ourselves? Why are we so quick to criticize ourselves for the tiniest things? The list is long but I will say society, culture, and a toxic media network that are constantly in our faces telling us to look perfect and be perfect isn’t helping any.
In order for us to bring our best selves to the world, we need to BE our best selves. You can’t fully love others unless you love yourself first. We need to show up 100% in our authenticity and be okay with that. It may not look pretty and perfect but as long as we are trying, that is all that counts. More importantly, we need to be okay with being less-than-perfect. Those who love us most, love us for who we are during the good and bad times. It is okay to be you.
My best advice if you suffer from this as well, is to try and stop the shitty friend (negative-inner voice) in the moment. Say, “We are not going there today. You are not welcome here ever.” Then think of something that makes you happy, do something nice for yourself or even better, do something nice for someone else. I have found bringing happiness to others quickly flips my mood.
I am not immune to this, every now and then the mean girl pops up. But I am quick to give her a reality check. In truth, this is going to be a muscle that you need to flex, over and over. That ego is going to keep coming up trying to second guess you. But remember it is a figment of your imagination. Check yourself in the moment and then move on. Remember nobody is perfect. Give yourself grace and just be a good friend to yourself.
